LXG 11 - Braine 0

The LXG warriors strode out on our home battleground on Saturday, determined to wipe out the bad memory of their previous 5-1 defeat. The LXG team did not face much of a challenge. Braine CCM came to our home fortress with a goal difference of - 47, and with only 9 players. (Yes, you are reading this correctly.) Having made only 10 goals in eight games, they were at no point looking in a position to get a point, let alone a victory. Having said that, they were pretty close to scoring at least one goal…but Michal decided to save the shot, which granted him praise and eternal glory by our coach and caused dismay among the opponents.

After failing to win or draw in your first eight games (something even LXG has not done, although not far off) you would expect a demoralised team. Not so with Braine CCM, they showed great spirit and utter joy. Where they might not be the best team we played, they had the best team spirit (considering the circumstances) I have seen this season.

They even started the game with attacking intentions. That however lasted about thirty seconds. (Yes, only because they had won the toss and were allowed to kick-off.) After those moments it was all LXG for the next 70 minutes, interrupted only by the opponents kick-offs and the half-time break.

Strangely enough the warriors of Ceasar Romanus Paulus looked stressed in the first ten minutes. In those minutes the brave men of Braine did not concede a goal, surviving several chances. It was only when our very own Puskas broke the deadlock that all pieces fell in the right place. From that moment on, there was no stopping the machine. Have I said that Braine did not score? My mistake, they made possibly the most beautiful goal of the afternoon, the fullback slotted home perfectly and beat his own keeper. Truly a clinical finish. After seeing how it had to be done, Caesar himself put in the third, with Napoleon adding number four before the halftime whistle.

During halftime, no serious matters arose. Caesar Paulus stressed that we should keep on playing football and our Poulet Basque jokingly, although deep down he meant it, said we had to win 10-0… A second half in which Scouser Pat and Giovanni Maldini got a rest from there heavy duties in the first half. Viv made his debut, good timing one could argue. And Catalin was invited to show what stalemate Romanian defenders are made of. With Bernard McAllister replacing our Irish rock after a few minutes into second half our defence was altered in a split second. However, it did not change much for the spectators, it was still one-way football.

10 seconds after kick-off number five was already in the net. Possibly the fastest goal ever to be scored after a kick-off by LXG… Our Roman leader doubled his tally of the day. Soon afterwards our French resistance leader had to show his bravery and added two goals to his account. Meanwhile Roberto “Marco” Carlos had slotted home his first for LXG before the moment came for our very own Mafioso guy: Endrik. With a clinical finish he made the crowd and team-mates go crazy! The atmosphere was such that even the players of Braine were surprised, they were quoted to say: “these guys celebrate like they have won the Champions League”. After setting up Endrik’s goal, our Caesar took the liberty to score his hat trick, giving the example for his counterpart at United. Napoleon didn’t want to stay behind, but miserably failed to score his very own third. With 9-0 on the scoreboard the crowd was clearly awaiting number ten!! (you could hear the chants…ten, ten, ten)
The King of Duvel felt the moment was there! After leaving the audience (and himself) in dismay by missing the arguably best chance of the game, he then slotted home in the following corner…missing one of the opponent’s eyes by an inch or two. At that point our Basque conqueror– on the way to live at the Flemish coast – could not stay behind to his midfield compatriot and decided to score the last goal of the afternoon, number eleven.

A great sunny day, a lot of credit to the Braine guys for showing up, playing and being very sporting. Credit to LXG to stay focused and keep on playing football. The game itself was forgettable but the result will be remembered as LXG’s biggest win ever. Nothing more, nothing less.

Yours truly,
The King of Duvel (who had a few to many of that beautiful draught before writing this nonsense, hence the possible mistakes made in the sequence of actions/goals)

Samedi RV 5 - LXG 1

The LXG boys gathered at the park meeting place at the ungodly hour of 11am and were not looking too sharp. If we were already dazed then, we were almost knocked out by the overpowering smell of death in our prison cell of a changing room. This was soon compounded by the King of Scotland's distinctive deep heat "oh de toilet".


Endrik is overcome by the fumes as Pat slaps on his perfume

After a sharp team talk from Paolo we emerged in the bright autumn daylight, clad in clammy kit, still damp from being washed two weeks before.

The facilities were poor but the (green concrete?) pitch was worse. Still, if this place was good enough for Pele to pay a visit it would have to be good enough for us.

Perhaps still groggy from the various odours and minimal warm-up, LXG were stunned by two early goals by Samedi RV. Both were high balls followed by some good skill and finishing on their part. LXG were disjointed and disiullusioned but yet still created good chances to get back in the game. Endrik came closest with a great leap and header against the post.

At half time, Paolo decided to go for broke, making three subs and switching to 3-5-2. "Either we lose 5-0 or we win 5-2." Unfortunately the first score was to be closer to the mark.


The three man defence in a rare moment of tranquility

The referee had stamped his authority even before the match in bizarre fashion by insisting that Vic should be captain as well as bon delegue. As a stand-in skipper, the El Salvadorean gypsy led by example, giving hope with (yet another) great finish from a Paolo cross early in the second half.

But the comeback never came. Samedi scored three quick goals to make it LXG's heaviest defeat in recent memory. Samedi's number 4 had had a great game - a hat-trick and two assists - but the LXG players left reflecting that it was our lack of performance throughout the team that had sunk us. And feeling hungry for next week's game.

Man of the match: TBC

Bousval Genappe (H) - video

LXG 1 - Bousval Genappe 0

LXG – Bousval Genappe 1-0

A tale of a lucky escape or - Who forgot what?

Let´s start before the game...

Dave has one job as Secretary on Match Day – to bring the Pink Slip. Imagine my surprise when half way to Tervuren he exclaims – “Eh, I think I forgot the Pink Slip, we have to turn around…” – 0-5 loss in the balance.

During the game...

Our prolific striker Endrik is still looking for the ball about a foot from the goal line at the British School.

Gianpaolo Trappatoni forgot that as a coach you are not supposed to demonstrate how to cover the ball outside the side-lines in the dying minutes of the game.

Pat the scouser with the family supporter club (mum, dad and girl-friend) cheering on from the packed stands of the Tervuren ground let it slip his mind that he was actually aiming for the ball when trying to make a Hyppiä clearance – looking like a Paul Robinson look-alike.

Peter the HUN went up confidently to the penalty spot, just to forget how to put the ball behind the keeper in the back of the net, prompting the coach to impose fines for every Saturday activity that does not involve spare ribs and beer.

Luckily Gio´s inability to remember that he is a defender put a goal on the otherwise empty Pink Slip (maybe Dave didn´t need it after all).

Michal the Polish alley cat forgot all about his (multiple and career threatening) injuries to make a decisive flying save in overtime to secure another 3 points for the mighty LXG.

Never seen before masses of LXG players forgot that they have wives, girlfriends, children and better things to do on a lovely Saturday afternoon than to come out to Tervuren to support their team mates.

After the game...

Finally, the third and forth halves in various pubs in Tervuren and Ixelles will never be forgot by the elite LXG heroes that attended them and did what LXG do best –drink beer, eat meat and talk a lot of rubbish…

Basta, Vai, Vai, Finito 3-points in the balls…

Man of the match: Jimmy (who forgot it was only his debut)

Union Sesame 1 - LXG 1

And so it was decreed that the brave LXG warriors would head into deepest Flanders to play a team that had already won both of their home games. Faced with a police presence at our usual Parc 50 meeting place it was clear this was not going to be an ordinary day.

Despite taking two or three wrong turns we still somehow managed to arrive at the pitch 50 minutes before kick-off. SC Wolverton play here so we were clearly honoured to be at this auspicious venue.

Starting line-up was as follows:
The Return of the Spider; English/Irish; Scouser; the Swiss Farmer; German-Turk Alliance; Napoleon; 50% Basque; ROMANIA!; Hongrois; Scouserini; Mafiosi. On the bench – ROMANIA! and the Belgian Scouser.

Our opposition quickly started as they meant to go on with two or three of their team showing themselves to be the nasty pieces of work they indeed were. Jun came in for significant amounts of abuse for asking one of his compatriots why he was choosing to abuse our team instead of playing football. This didn’t go down too well and great credit to Ceyhun for not physically reacting to the little idiot. This was a tone well set by our team during the game and despite there being a number of incidents during the game no-one got sent off from LXG despite two or three of the opposition deserving the red card.


Sesame's players were a bad-tempered lot

So to the football – we started well and within a few minutes had scored a wonderful goal after a peach of cross from the right wing in from the right (Peter or Paolo?) for Endrik to knock gloriously in. 1-0 to LXG!!!

With the first half being a little disjointed and our training ground football less evident it was still a shock when the opposition came back with a well worked move to level the match.

Shaj and Cata came on for the second half ready to push the team on for the last 35 minutes. And for a period of 15-20 minutes this is exactly what happened. The opposition rarely moved out of their own half as our football became the fast flowing and quick paced beast we know it to be. Unfortunately (had we roused a gypsy’s wrath on our travels?) the four or five chances we created refused to go in as the opposition keeper pulled off several fine saves.

Meanwhile the other team contented themselves with trying to see if their hands could go around some of our throats. Being the curious type I decided to ask their blond maniac defender about this subject. The conversation went something like this:
“Why did your team mate put his hand around our player’s throat?”
“Because it was a foul.”
“But how does that help the match and your football?”
“Because it was a foul.”
“Why don’t you just play football instead?”
“Because it was a foul.”
Etc etc…
And this was the general tone of the second half.

As the match drew to a close we lost some of superb rhythm that had seen us create so many chances. This was possibly due to their final substitution, a guy called something like Mario Monti (ex DG Comp?) who was without a shadow of a doubt the fattest player ever to oppose LXG. Bizarrely enough, Titus aside, this seemed to put us in a dilemma as regards tackling the beaut. He seemed to be given ample space that aptly reflected his girth even having one moment, according to Shaj, where he fell over due to the fact, he exclaimed, that he was too fat! From these effort-sapping moments came our decrease in concentration.

The other team came close at the end by hitting the bar but when the final whistle blew we were clearly the more disappointed of the two teams. Yet, as one sage commented, it was better to have drawn and made so many chances than to have drawn without creating any.

The other results confirmed our second place with everyone eager to play again quickly and make it five wins out of seven.

Men of the match: Michal and Peter

LXG ribs

Jani's ribs record was unbroken, which is more than can be said for Vic's glass as he engaged in a (victorious?) duel with the president.

Italians were spotted eating meat and drinking beer. Even the coach led by example shunning his diet of salad and Perrier.

Stragglers turned up at Chris' party looking worse for wear and Eoin, for one, was pleased with the evening, making a speedy recovery from a stiff groin.

Man of the evening: Paolo

LXG 3 - Fossis 2

Men of the match: Eoin, Titus, Vic, Endrik

Waterloo Sport 1 - LXG 5

Waterloo hadn't seen a defeat this heavy since 1815.

Vic was due to write a report on this one but he's still checking his thesaurus for superlatives to describe his second goal.

Peter also grabbed a couple on his debut and Cata 'the Cat' saved a penalty.

Man of the match: Peter


Vic scored two and 'had a hand' in another


LXG's unorthodox flat attacking line reaps rewards in Waterloo