LXG 2 – Samedi RV 1

Report by Eoin

So the LXG warriors came back to Tervuren last Saturday for a welcome home game on our beloved Astroturf pitch. It might give a pretty good burn when you slide in but it’s a damn sight more preferable than 70 minutes of mud in your eyes, in your socks, and in your underpants!

Our opponents were Samedi RV, a young, dangerous side who had already give us a thoroughly good seeing to at their home pitch earlier this season. Sat was a nice day, good footballing conditions and the smell of revenge was in the air. Confidence was high and the feeling was we were going to do one over on these lads. Rumours went round early that they had only 8 players, but these were unfounded and soon disproved, much to our Captain’s displeasure (he had hoped for a lazy run out I think)

Matters became a little complicated when it was known that our nominated referee was sick, and couldn’t come. Grande coach Paolo selflessly nominated himself to referee as the away side refused the offer of one of their own to ref the game.

Nevertheless, Paolo had given us the tactical talk beforehand, and told us the positions, our tactics and the players to watch for on their team. He emphasized their Number 10, a slinky, talented winger-cum-striker who had devastated us with 3 goals and 2 assists in the away game earlier this season. Unfortunately he also looked like the sulky teenager from the Harry Enfield show.

Endrik was especially emphatic on this point when talking with me before kick-off. I was left in no doubt that this guy was to be given up close and personal treatment, or as we say in Ireland, “let him know you’re there”.

The opening part of the match was typical of many of our games this season, the opposition had immediate chances. The relatively new center half pairing of Pat and Peter were caught off guard with a long ball over the top, but our man in black, Michal the Spider was quickly and bravely off his line to snuff out the threat. A fine save it was too. Next chance for them went agonizingly wide of the far post.

After this we started to get on top of them, and it wasn’t long until we took the lead. A beautifully weighted ball beat the offside trap and found our talismanic Frenchman, Vic, who coolly lobbed the keeper. 1-0 to the LXG! Samedi didn’t like it and complained vociferously to the referee, but he waved away their protestes.

The referee was involved again a few minutes later when there was an uncharacteristically full blooded challenge on their Number 10 from our small, unassuming Irish right back. Suffice it to say their winger came off by far the worst in the challenge! The referee was lenient however, and the player got away with a verbal warning.

The second half was a similar affair. We had made some changes which worked to good effect. Martijn came on for Pat and Marco for the Viking Per. Peter changed back to his usual position on the wing, and to good effect. We created many openings and chances for our strikers but their keeper was in good form and made some point blank saves.

Samedi also had an opportunistic break that could have been a goal, but was cut short by a, ahem, professional foul from Peter Puskas. He duly received a yellow card from the referee.

It took a “golazo” from our resident Basque enforcer, Senor Pineda, to kill off the game and crush any remaining spirit the Samedi players might have had.
He picked up the ball in midfield, and with a fleetness of foot that is not attributed to him normally, set off on a mazy run. The run finished with a blast off his big toe, and the ball rocketed into the corner of the net, to the despair off the outstretched Samedi keeper. There was much shouting and uninhibited joy, and also a fair bit of “Me cabo en la puta!” to be heard! 2-0 to LXG!

The game was petering out to a stale finish when Samedi bushwhacked us with a move straight from their training ground. We had taken up our positions as usual for the corner, but didn’t count on their keeper ghosting into the area and flicking a header into the corner of the net, à la Peter “big nose” Schmeichel. 2-1!

But the job was done, and Paolo blew the final whistle, much to the pleasure of us who were tired after all the exertion. So we had won again, but more importantly we had kept up the pressure on league leaders Cobra.

Onwards and upwards to the next game!

Bousval Genappe 1 – LXG 1

By Victor “Genappe was my Waterloo” Napoleon

For more than 69 minutes (note for the lost reader: ABSSA football is played in two halves of 35), this game had all the allure of yet another gutsy LXG triumph in the face of adversity. The last kick of the game, no matter how damaging statistically and morally, should not take anything away from the superb performance of the eleven warriors who battled in Genappe.

And here came the first dark cloud on this grey day of February: there should have been more than twenty-two LXG boots on the field. But a mixture of seasonal illness, obscure administration and individual negligence cost the team (and the ineligible players) dear. Chief centurion and coaching maestro Paulus Romanus would have to use all his tactical nous to take the legion into hostile territory… and come back unscathed.

Up stepped the legionnaires onto a green but uneven pitch, ready to face the barely-civilised tribe of Bousval Genappe. Marshalled by the ever-present Puskas, the makeshift defence proved as solid as any backline in our illustrious history. Titus the Gladiator had shaken off his flu to take the fight into the other half, looking like an elite soldier wearing a black scarf and a white tissue. On the flanks, Daddy Jimmy and Per the Viking were making sure that the Spider’s web was safe from any form of invasion.

With this rock solid foundation, the first half was an all-LXG affair. The midfielders were applying Paulus’ tactics studiously despite the bumps and holes in the pitch, stringing lateral passes together to find the right angle of penetration. This sexy torello foreplay was initiated by Pineda Copacabana and coach Paulus, with good support from Jean-Luc and Marco Lazio, offering their usual breadth and depth on the wings.

This patient domination began to bear fruits, as striker Marco Primadonna unleashed a thunderous shot that rattled the Bousval bar, much to the bemusement of the gathering crowd: a local bearded shepherd, Toto the young ball-fisher, LXG hall-of-famer Rosa and the two “ineligibles” – gender-confused Catalina and myself (later joined by Simon Paella). Half-time came to the rescue of the Bousval hordes, who had never really threatened to reverse the pressure they were put under in the first half.

Coach Paulus knew that such a fruitless domination was dangerous, and decided to go for the kill. Puskas was pushed to the right wing to support the all-Italian frontline of the hungry Marco Primadonna and Endrik. The Pink Panther was his usual self, with his superb first touch providing ample ball possession deep into opposition territory. The three hitmen were causing nightmares to the (rather too) experienced Bousval defence, whose nerves were apparently not made of steel. Marco Primadonna was tormenting them once again when his skilful run was hacked down in the area right in front of the ref, who inexplicably waved play on. This seemed to be Bousval’s lucky day…

But their mental frailty was fully exposed when Puskas turned into Attila and launched a devastating raid from a counter-attack, storming through their defence in a very vertical line on which the grass will never grow again. Seconds later, the ball was in the Bousval net, LXG fans were jumping, the bearded shepherd was swearing in front of young Toto and their veteran centre-back was on the ground holding his leg. 1-0 to the LXG. This kicked-off a lively exchange between their captain and the rest of the world: first with the ref, then with Puskas, then with his centre-back, then with his striker. The latter had the temerity to tell Wild Man 2 (see last week’s report) to shut up, a very bold move that almost cost him his life. It took at least four of their players to stop the Bousval beast from killing one of his own.

Fortunately for them, our opponents had the luxury of making a substitution to replace their self-exiled leader. This had little impact on the game, with LXG still very much in control even though the performance deserved a different result. And different it turned out to be in the end, but in a very wrong way…

A Bousval striker, who had been counting sheep until then, narrowly beat the offside trap and managed to put just enough power in his shot (their first and last of the day) to see it go past a shocked Michal. 1-1. Full time. Unbelievable. There had not been such a cruel twist of fate since Kostadinov fired Bulgaria into the 1994 World Cup on a cold November night in Paris. Or since the Prussians were allowed to enter the battlefield down the road in Waterloo a couple of centuries ago. Even some of the Bousval players sounded apologetic when they said they were a bit lucky to get a point.

But such is football. In the wise words of Rocky: “You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done.” And forward is the only way for the legionnaire.

LXG storm into 2007!

LXG have already notched up successive wins to start 2007.

LXG President and King of Scotland reports on the latest victory:

LXG vs Union Sesame 14h00

Saturday 3rd February, 2007



And so ABBSA’s Division 5C leaders trooped onto the pitch ready and anticipating a game against one of the league’s more “verbally aggressive” teams Union Sesame.

With the coach’s pre-match speech stressing the need for a calm and disciplined approach, would LXG’s nerves be tested to their limit?



The first minute set the tone – one of Union Sesame’s centre forwards ran through, theatrically fell over nothing, whilst emitting a noise suggesting he had been shot. Fortunately the referee noticed that he was a cheating bastard and waved play on.



In a first half characterized by plenty of tough tackling, quick play, Hendrik’s first overhead kick since 1986 which hit the post, and several verbal exchanges it is perhaps strange, therefore, that the memorable moment of the 1st 35 minutes occurred with one of the opposition spectators. With Eoin and his opposite number involved in a strong challenge near the touchline, the opposing supporters felt that they had every right to run onto the pitch and swear and abuse everyone. One of the group, who we will refer to as the Wild Man, decided to shout that little bit louder. He also decided to tell us all that he would kill us, individually.







The referee immediately told him to the leave the side of the pitch. Not content with only being insane WM became even wilder and proceeded, along with the crooked arm salute, to shout “Je te baise”, “Je te baise”. He made every effort, while he was threatening us with “la baise”, to look deep into the target’s eyes. Maybe this is how he gets girls in his local nightclub, but no-one felt compelled to join him into the shower. The guy was clearly an insane nutcase of the highest order. He went, appropriately, behind a chain link fence, still shouting, to watch the rest of the game. Funnily enough, the only part that had annoyed Eoin was when he referred to us all as “Les Anglais” which was almost the last straw for our Irish terrier!



So half time and 0-0. Jimmy was replaced by Jean-Luc, Jani by Per. Martin was to come on for Eoin during the second half.

Unfortunately LXG let in a goal due to their diminutive forward taking advantage of a mistake to nip through and score. We roared back to equalize following great work by Peter combining with Hendrik for the latter to score with a wonderful headed goal. The impetus was with LXG and we continued to press hoping to go ahead. Malheuresement, your President failed to cover his defensive colleague and the small attacker pounced to make the score 2-1 to Union Sesame.



Credit to our players though – we kept pushing them right back and finally some luck came our way as a speculative shot from Hendrik squeezed past the keeper’s hands. 2-2!! Our wing play was of the highest standard forcing the opposition to cope with significant pressure. Even our friendly Wild Man was quiet.


The tension mounted and with less than five minutes left the ball squeezed through to our Scouse coach supreme. Amidst desperate cries of offside, he calmly slotted the ball home and rather less calmly screamed his delight amidst a fervent LXG pile-on celebration. How he found the energy to do this no-one knows as in the minute before the goal he had said how deathly tired he was -


- only to forget his fatigue and run Tardelli-like around the pitch.

Two minutes later Peter went on another forceful run only to be fouled in the penalty area. Paolo stepped up to make the result safe.

Final score – 4-2 to the Mighty LXG!!! Still top of the league!

With five supporters watching, the total group of 19 had a celebratory beer in Spoorloos where the announcement of future LXG stars and a “team + ladies night” was planned. Watch this space!

Pat

King of match reports